apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
