Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
