oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
