It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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