That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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