i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
