What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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