You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
