I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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