hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
