Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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