I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
