I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
