Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
