why didn't you poke me back
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
