you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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