I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize