Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
