i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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