4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
