I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
