You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize