Your face is a jimmy john
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
