We won't sleep together?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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