Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
