he wants to bone in the snuggie
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize