Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
