i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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