I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
