let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
