can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize