If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
