Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
false alarm. still invincible.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
