Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
