Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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