OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
