i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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