just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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