Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
