So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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