Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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