my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He passed out mid-signature
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
