I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
