: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
