xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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