I molested 6 butterflies tonight
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Please don't give away my fajitas
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
