I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
