I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
