ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
