I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
