I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
