Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
