yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
