He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
