Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
