Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
