Banned from zoo.
Again?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize