the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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