Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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