Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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