does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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