I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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