Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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