Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
