Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
