Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
