What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
