if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
