listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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