sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
