Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
