I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
