dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
