It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
3 2 1 whiskey
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
