Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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