I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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