I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
