so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
